Losing Weight: How Not To Do It

Tired of seeing those ads with thin models and buff men?

Discouraged at the looks you have when making an appearance at the gym? Annoyed at your household continually harping at you to “watch your weight!” and “Eat your salad”?

Well, I’ve got the solution to your challenge! Here in no particular order are several things you can start doing to prevent losing those pounds. As long as you’re happy with yourself, who gives a fig about what people thinks right? Well, here you go
1. Balanced meals? BAH!

Lifetime is short appropriate? So why spend a good portion of it eating things you truly don’t care for? Rather than eating vegies and drinking healthy drinks, go for the triple-heart-bypass-on-a-plate burger and upsize the extra order of super GINORMOUS fries smothered in gravy. While you’re at it, suck down a four pack of beer. Gotta maintain hydrated right?

2. Workout, who needs it?

You’ve seen them.  Those people that spend hours on a cardio machine or doing aerobics and proceed to sweat their faces off for about 30 minutes. By the finish, many are draped on the machine, praying for release. Why bother? Simply stay inside all summer and watch TV. Absolutely no pain there. And that Dr. Phil man is very interesting….

3. Still hungry?

Eat a snack or 2 or 3. Try chips followed by cola topped off with cheesecake garnished with chocolate sauce. You have to maintain your strength up!

4. Avoid going to the doctor for a yearly checkup.

All this is very really a waste of time, and anyway you’re not really going to listen to  the doctor if he gives you information on getting in more health, so why bother?

5. So, your family, spouse or important other is freaking out about your latest physical.

They absolutely INSIST you miss weight. But you still don’t need to exercise or eat right. No issue! Simply go out and buy 1 of those fat burning pills. They promise to melt your pounds away. Then your family members could stop picking on you.